This is the end of (old) me (Updated and changed)( 2-5-19)

I never asked to be in this life and form known as Michael Cook. When my ex-wife walked out on me over 4 years ago, she took my heart with her, and left a HUGE hole in my spirit and soul and I live in hell where everything I do is shut down, I live with 2 fundamentalist christian parents and cannot talk to them about any "freaky shit" and I have so called mental illness. I have Scizo Effecto Disorder and PTSD. My whole time I was with my ex-wife had a story of its own, look satan came through me and stabbed her in Feb 5th 2011 and she stayed and waited on me to get out of jail, she loved me that much, she and me were satanists in 2011 and guess what the force known as "The devil" is very real within each of us.  They her family never let me go over this and they turned my ex-wife against me and hated me. I was over dosed on Lithium and the quack dr never bothered to check my blood levels and my wife got me alcohol that night Feb 5th and we conjured satan (she was satanic witchcraft) and I was in jail 2 times over her, I got off on mental illness and the state police showed compassion and knew I wasn't to blame for my ex being stabbed. I guess I never let myself down over this incident that should of never happened, then bam over the years since it happened, I woke up to this world like I'm in a place where I don't belong, its like I'm a alien from somewhere else and everyone is fucking nuts (religious nut jobs)  and there is no one to talk to about the "freaky shit" like powers of the mind and seeing light from your own self. If i meet a girl no girl is good enough my parents are over protective and don't want another "Ginger" my ex-wife here. I just want a new life and a new start to get the hell away from here. Or I'm done with this life and timeline, I'm tired of religion, politics, and lower masculine world that this is. Its like humanity has gone nuts and unconscious that we are being destroyed and ruled by draco anunnaki beings who interbred with humans to have a ruling class since Egyptian days and they inbred to keep their blood lines pure. All that I know makes me sick.Everyone tells me hold on or don't kill yourself , they say hold on things will improve, nothing ever does, it only gets worse, drug addictions and they ain't working anymore. The pain I feel as a empath hurts and I am not going to make it much longer this way of living.......I just wish to return to the realm of nothing, Infinite Soul "The Soul", not spirits which is finite. Yes you can lose connection to "Soul" and as a human soul (soul descended into matter as you), look we are all one Soul , my color is Red the primal color above all others and am Aries and I am Soul that is who I am, I am feeling my way though this mess called life as a soul, no longer just masculine spirit. Death is a lie and doesn't help anything and isn't a way out as I found out you come right back here. Soul and human soul is who I am and where I can either make it or break it and what saved me from myself. People a warning, don't use spirituality and consciousness and source and God and religion to escape your human soul and Divine Soul which is Infinite, all the rest is finite spirit and lies and maya and illusions, I must remember I helped co-create this mess and so being awakened I can uncreate it as well. We all have that power as souls not spirits. Soul doesn't evolve, spirits do and change via death and reincarnation.