My personal life a story and half

I'm not sharing my life with the world because I feel its special or anything it just out of the ordinary. When I was born I was the only baby to raise itself up on 2 arms right about 2 hours after being born. I had trouble always talking to people or expressing my feelings when I was small like 4-10 years old during the same period I had a couple friends that was it.. Also I was over protected by my great aunt Margie who was like my grandma. I had a brother who died at 10 months old of cancer... I was 7...I was over loved over protected never allowed to do what the other kids were doing. So when I was in my room age 5-10 I made this name up for myself MFMW (Michael from Michael's World) seen myself higher than God and was always around adults during my childhood I seen myself as this all powerful being whose eyes glew red and all kinds of different colors overlooking endless amounts of universes at age 7 mind you I was telling my family about "Mother God".  Keep this MFMW in your memory as this story progresses. 

When I was in elementry school I was teased for being "gay" and I was never gay I had a gay friend named Phillip. This story stuck with me all the way into highschool. I never had a girl friend even into my teen years as I was too afraid to ask any girl out. But anyways when I was like age 13 I was almost run over by teens who were always picking on me I mean it missed me by an inch... This MFMW character stayed in the back of my mind throughout my teen years. I asked a girl out in 7th grade by way of putting letters into her locker. And you know what I got out of it? A fight with another 8th grader. He met me across the street from my house and showed up with 20 dudes to watch so I couldn't even fight back as I was held down and me kicked my face in. Out of all that the gay stuff stopped as the kids couldn't accuse me of being gay anymore right? So instead it was dead silence I couldn't take being in school I told my mom I wanted out at age 14 and said I would be out by age 16. But it happened even sooner as I just happened to write "Kill" on the papers when I thought of the people who hurt me in school but it also had a highschool teacher's name on it! So I was thrown out of school at age 15 in 1999 after that school in CO was all shot up... What a bad time for something like this to happen my mom said... They the school tried to charge me with terroristic threats. But they dropped it real quick when my mom and aunt threatened to sue the district. They said "Please we don't need anymore lawsuits!". So I was bumped up to 9th grade and then home schooled but my mom couldn't afford it so at age 16 I was out of school. So I was out of school still no girlfriend in my life. Then at age 21 I begun trying out dating girls after going on Zoloft and I had a few drinking alcohol problems that happened around that time I tried to kill myself over a girl. I took 72 100mg zoloft pills and drank a 5th a whiskey when I was 21. I survived... When I was a teen I forgot to mention I had a friend we were bad we vandalized all kinds of things I never would of done those things but you are the company you keep.... So anyways I continued dating women they all wanted to have sex but I did not until I met a girl who was 20 years older than I was and she was a red head when I was 24 I had a self defense products dropship business on the computer in 2008 and it all lapsed after I met this girl as I never worked in my life a job out of shyness... I talked to this woman for only a month and she was up here from NC to PA with her grandbaby her daughter was very upset that she brought her baby to meet a complete stranger.... Me and this girl hit it off right away we got married in 2009 we had a few problems because this mental illness began to come out and I was jealous of her and she was jealous of me. I was slow to anger.... No experience with women at all and something horrible happened on Feb 5th 2011 she was stabbed 21 times when I drank alcohol and I was out of my mind to begin with because the mental Dr I was going to had me overdosed on lithium and klonopins and depakote and the district attorney never wanted to even press charges on me. I was a ordained minister and my wife said my eyes changed colors to total blackness during this incident...and it was all around satan was in me because me and her were worshipping satan all this changed my life 10 months in jail my wife was still there waiting on me when I got out it was good for a couple years then I got involved in all things God and I told her my childhood story of MFMW and then I remembered a jail inmate saying he seen my eyes change colors. My eyes began to flash energy beams which science has now proven I looked it up so I know I wasn't crazy. I seen things move around me when my wife was still here.... People say she was so "evil" something was around my wife because I was normal before I met her owned guns and even had a carry license and then its like I went through an awakening of an increase in my consciousness then I come to understand all that satan hogwash was all a christian invention to enslave the masses but there was some kind of spirit around my wife as when my grandma was dying of cancer in May of 2009 we were staying there and all kinds of things happened doors opened and closed, the attic door was opened and my wife was only 5ft tall and could not of opened it and I sure as hell didn't open in then after a fight broke out between my wife and my other aunt over my grandmother we left her house then my other aunt stayed in that room and she said there was pure evil in that room ans she wasn't nuts... We all have satans in us and angels its up to us which ones we embrace or choose. Satan is a thought form so is demons wicca has nothing to do with devils or satans. My wife practiced wicca and everyone blamed that on this "spirit". But in 2015 my wife left me after all kinds of mental problems happened to me that caused me to be "abusive" to her mentally or physical but in the end I was so involved in Godthings it drove everyone nuts. I called myself "archangel michael" God well we are all God. I just didn't understand back then what I do now and guess what? After she left I am no longer mentally ill they claim its "in remission". I love every person I see on the street I love myself for the first time in my life despite me still being shy and quiet. All this was this purpose of this marriage was to show me I could love and believe in myself and if it wasn't for my wife I wouldn't know what love is. We are still married but separated for over 2 years. She is now very happy where she is and I'm glad for her instead of carrying around blame and resentment like my mom does with her. I will always love her but it would never work because of her family hating me over that stabbing incident even though it was not anyone's fault. The past is the past I am not that person anymore nor am I "Up in the clouds" so to speak on cosmic crack. I used to read and read and read and read and I still read but now I live I watch movies but my consciousness has really increased I open a book and understand things I never seen before and even my old writings.. If I meet a new girl I am not going chasing after any girl the law of attraction will bring her to me when its time when my vibration matches that special someone who can put up with a mother of mine who over loves her 33 year old son still living at home and on SSI and with this history as well... My next relationship would not be about jealousy nor would it be worried about what the other girl is doing or worrying about her cheating... As I would give her no reason to do so... I wrote about the law of attraction and am applying it to my life or its really an aspect of the "law of vibration". My wife wants me to file for divorce I don't have the money right now but I know it will sting me even after 2 years here is the reason I wrote this.... Never be jealous in a relationship nor never take the other person for granted nor be worried what the other is doing worry only about self in a relationship and you will never be go wrong in your relationships I don't mean have a ego problem love yourself with all your heart then you can love your partner and give gratitude for everything the other does for you as love eats away all negativity. I wish I could go back in time to 2008 and tell myself all that I know now but there is no such thing as time only the eternal moment of now. I also understand this MFMW to be my soul longing to be expressed (feminine) the masculine is of course your spirit. Know this certain people go looking for their soulmates but really everyone is your spirit and soul mate as all is one and everyone is your spouse already as ye are gods! John 10:34 & Psalm 82.

UPDATE: JUNE 06 2018.... I STILL SEE THE FLASHING LIGHT from my eyes which is just what existence is ,dots and no dots and I can see that activity going on that people call the "Divine" or Angels and there is no more divine than there is a god or goddess! We are simply Spirit and Souls and Consciousness which is the "Holy Trinity"... Anyways I am still married to my ex wife its been over 3-1/2 years and I met a awesome singer who is from THE VOICE Usa show, she did not win but almost did.... Maybe she is my Soul projected outwardly my soulmate and spiritmate? Only time will tell... No one is better than anyone else, money, fame and fortune mean nothing, I have SOUL ,know SOUL and am so called "Divine and Human" at once thanks to a good author Sera Beak of The Red Book, Red Hot and Holy and Redvelations.

The Law of Love or Law of Attraction

The law of attraction is all about love, its what religions call "God" its what holds everything together and like attracts like so if your in fear or irritated you will attract people places and things to make you severely more of those negative feelings. Its all in how you feel and think. Know this you are infinite source and also part of the macrocosm or the whole universe is in you. Also know that whatever it is you want already exists in the universal storehouse or feminine principle of knowing. To get anything you want you simply must think about what you have CHOSE from the universe knowing its already yours and use your feelings while thinking about what you want and really feel good about it and imagine doing things with said desire all the while feeling it like your ALREADY HAVE IT. Feelings are the whole key to the law of attraction you MUST FEEL GOOD PERIOD AND BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE IN YOUR LIFE EVERYDAY WITH ALL YOUR BEING AND THE THINGS YOUR ALSO WANTING AS WELL. That is the secret of the secret your feelings you must feel good and joyful and excited everyday. Know this a positive thought is hundreds of times more powerful then a negative thought so if you generally happy you cannot be thinking negative thoughts at the exact same time as that would contradict the law of love. Love your self and know you and all others are ONE and know there is no lack of anything in the world. There is an infinite supply of love,things,people and cars and money.

To those individuals who feel just "okay" you consider that a good feeling it really is not a good feeling but if they got you on some kind of mental medication or other medication that takes away your feelings you may feel nothing but with the power of love or law of attraction all things are possible. Know in your heart you have already have enormous power within you and be grateful to be able to be do or have anything you want.

Also know this fear attracts things like a magnet as does love. These are the 2 universal poles of love what love is and love's opposite "fear".  Me myself I am afraid or in fear about sharing my feelings with other people or talking to them or even saying " I love you " to my own family but not to a girl friend isn't that strange. You can and will use this law to change your life and know this you are one with life and life is God and God is love so in reality love is all there really is fear had to be created for us all to exist to be able to experience love which is unconditional love not conditional love based like in religious mythology. Remember have no doubts in your mind let no thoughts of doubt to enter you mind or bad feelings when they come think of something that you love be it whatever it maybe to shift your whole day. Once you get on a role start writing things down everyday that your grateful for until you have an attitude of total gratitude for things like your clothes, shoes car if any, your perfect eye sight or the glasses or contacts that enable you to see. I have used this law of attraction to attract small things and I live around some very negative individuals who complain all day about everything and are ungrateful you reap what you sow with your thoughts words and deeds. So you can imagine how difficult it is to remain positive around negativity but I do. I know I will receive whatever it is I ask for from the universe because the universe is one with me and all others. You need to be in love with life be glad for all other's abundance and you'll attract that to you but you must really feel it with all your heart since all is one you and all people are you know this at heart level and you will never be jealous or envious again of what a rich person has and you apparently don't. What they have, you have in the invisible realm. Everything that has ever been created has ALREADY BEEN CREATED. There is NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN meaning the spiritual sun in 4th density, The best read for changing your life is The Kybalion or "Divine Magic" by Doreen Virtue a new up to date version for beginners who don't understand the origiinal kybalion. I am studying the kybalion and find new wisdom in it all the time. You find very few good books on hermetics unless you join a secret society or read up in the golden dawn books available which I am doing right now. I'm using the law of attraction to make me the best I can be in the golden dawn tradition as far as the books can take me without joining a order. I was a member of the OTA but I let my membership lapse due to the living conditions living with parents who are christians and anyone who knows what this is like trying to do occult work or even meditate they think your into satanism the law of attraction changed all that for me as they don't bother me no more with that so if your ready to change your life use the law of attraction now.